5 Important Lessons to Take Into the New Year

1:  America is not a racist country.

Obama’s victory is empirical proof we are not, as a whole, racist. That’s not to say that there are not racists in America.  There are, but our culture as a whole is what it is advertised to be. Anyone of any race and background can be elected President by the will of the people.

If we were voting for our candidates by race, then there is no way that a black guy with minimal experience that has ties to 1960’s pro-communism terrorists, Black Liberation Theologists, closet socialists, self-proclaimed socialists, Chicago Community Organizers (founded by Marxist Saul Alinsky), Holocaust Deniers and Islamic Terrorist Sympathizers could have defeated a white guy who is a senior Senator, decorated Vietnam veteran that refused early release from a POW camp out of loyalty to fellow soldiers (and was tortured for 5 years).

The election wasn’t won on race or background or issues. The fact is, people just liked Barack Obama better! If sixty percent of Americans like the black guy better than the white guy, then America. Is. Not. Racist. – End. Of. Story.

Someone should tell Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton that Texaco is hiring.

2: On rare occasions the government can get something right.

Usually the question isn’t did the government do it wrong, but rather just how wrong did they do it. But this year, the did something indisputably 100% right!

James Cameron’s “The Terminator” and Ray Harryhausen’s “The 7th Voyage of Sinbad” have been preserved FOREVER in the US National Film Archives. For once, I can say without reservation that our tax dollars have been spent wisely.

3: It’s not very wise to take your clothes off and parade around on your mother’s roof taunting the police.

Inman Morales of Brooklyn, NY demonstrated this by falling off the roof to his death after being tasered by police.

The good news for Mr. Morales: Many feel sympathy for his plight and blame the “evil” police officers for his death.
The bad news: He’s still dead.

4: Either hippies evolved from apes or apes evolved from hippies.

A group of UC Berkeley students climbed up some trees and stayed there for a year. When police were ordered to remove them, the “Tree Sitters” threw urine and feces on the officers. Ultimately, the students were lured to the ground with judicious use of bananas. A spokesman for the “Tree Sitters” issued the following statement while thumping his hands against his bare chest: “Eeee Eeee Aaaa Aaaa Oop Oooo Oooo!”

5: I have zero psychic ability.

And no one else does either, most likely. In my case I can prove it. In 2008 I predicted that the Election polls were skewed toward Obama, but it turned out they were dead on. And in 2004 I predicted G. W. Bush would win Pennsylvania. I was dead wrong.

Maybe I should try talking to the dead instead. Then if I fail, I can blame it on the ghosts’ stubborn refusal to exist.


Thanks for reading.

Happy New Year everyone!



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3 responses to “5 Important Lessons to Take Into the New Year

  1. Love your five lessons for the new year. LOL! I am totally with you on this one, “It’s not very wise to take your clothes off and parade around on your mother’s roof taunting the police. ” When will people learn?

  2. dude

    you totally missspelled lessons unless of course you were trying to use a play on words eluding to lesions, if so i don’t see where the joke is made appropriate, and i did not misspell misspelled whether you are just drunk.

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