This just in… Michael Jackson remains dead at this hour. We will interrupt our special report The Michael Jackson Legacy : A Life in Noses if his condition improves. Later tonight, the Reverand Al Sharpton will be joining the panel on The Anderson McCouric Factor to discuss his new book Michael Jackson : Holier Than Jesus.
For those of you just tuning in, Michael Jackson is still dead. Jackson was best known for molesting very young children at his creepy personal amusment park, the Neverland Ranch. His lavishly perverse lifestyle was made possible by his short-lived musical career in the 1980’s, which was tragically cut short by multiple rhinoplasty accidents resulting in a career ending full-body pigmentation deficiency.
Grieving fans have been gathering at the Neverland Ranch, the UCLA Medical Center, the Apollo Theater, Graceland, Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, NAMBLA Headquarters and the Cleveland IHOP in silent vigil praying for Jackson’s resurrection. One fan, Rebecca Wilson, broke her silence long enough to give us a quote. Between sobs Ms. Wilson said, “Michael was the greatest human being ever. I’ll miss him so very much, but he’s in a better place now, molesting little boys in Heaven.”